Dwight Howard is a Giant Child

You see what he did there?

You see what he did there?

“Don’t believe the hype.”

Orlando has been screaming this line since probably 20 minutes after they bumped off Boston in reference to league MVP LeBron James, led by Orlando Sentinel ‘writer’ Mike “My 15 minute egg timer is down to four” Bianchi.

Well I’m here to tell you right now that you shouldn’t believe the hype… about Dwight Howard.

Somehow lost in the Howard lovefest from Charles Barkley and certain Floridian “journalists” is a glaring fact: Dwight Howard is a huge cheap-shot with a reactionary nature that could–at best–be described as wholly childish.

Yeah, I said it.

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Well That’s Just Great

Like many Cleveland fans today, Paul Lassiters smile belies the fact that hes dying inside

Like many Cleveland fans today, Paul Lassiter's smile belies the fact that he's dying inside

I don’t really know what to say right now. My thoughts aren’t very organized so I suppose I’ll have to just structure them through–surprise–the magic of bullet points to try and get my entire stream of consciousness recorded for all five of you who read this blog to see.

  • It’s official: Orlando can no longer claim that they don’t get any calls. Ignoring all of the touch fouls the Cavs were whistled for, and even ignoring the muggings the Magic got away with on defense, when Dwight Howard tackled Delonte West before that ball went out of bounds with six seconds left it should’ve been game over with Delonte on the line. Period. Instead the refs decide to eat the whistle and the rest is history. Brutal.
  • I hate this team for making me believe. I really do. After the watershed Cleveland heartbreak year of 2007–OSU football twice, OSU basketball, the Cavs, Browns and Indians all crushing us in a 366 day span–I had promised myself to never get so attached to these teams. Even last year I felt that the Cavs were playing with house money after the Washington series. But this year seemed different; doesn’t seem so different now.
  • If the Cavs can’t do the impossible over the next six days, it will mark the fourth time in twelve years that the bandwagoning, know-nothing fans of Florida will be rewarded over the fans of Cleveland. This proves, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the sports gods do not factor in the fans. What is it about Boston and Florida? Jeez.
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This is what a wake-up call looks like. All of the Cavs submitted a, “What I did on my 8 day vacation” essay and failed. From top to bottom. LeBron passing up shots in the final minutes, the other starters having absolutely no confidence in their abilities at either end of the floor. And our bench. Oh my sweet goodness our bench. Continue reading

Bad Shooting, Worse Coaching Doom Cavs

This picture of Mike Brown is from 2006. Care to guess why I included it?

This picture of Mike Brown is from 2005. Care to guess why I included it?

After I’ve made some previous profanity-laced blog posts on old blog projects coming off enfuriating Cleveland playoff losses, I’ve pledged since the 2007 ALCS to never again write while angry. And I won’t. I am writing this sentence at 11:31 PM EDT, and walking away. I’ll let you know when I come back.

11:51 PM. It’s been 20 minutes and–shock!–the sting hasn’t even begun to wear off. As anyone who knows me will attest, I take losses harder than most other Cleveland fans.

Let’s take that a step farther: I am a terrible loser.

You could say that I am in the 98th percentile for being an absolute piece of crap when one of my teams loses in the playoffs. ’96 ALDS? Blind rage. ’97 World Series? Inconsolable. ’03 Wild Card weekend? Get the hell away from me. ’07 BCS Title Game? Seething. The aforementioned ’07 ALCS? Dead to the world for days.

Yet… somehow… this feels worse. Off the charts worse. I am absolutely miserable to be around right now. Let’s talk about it. If we can. Continue reading

Cleveland Hero: Dirk Nowitzki



Dirk, you and Cleveland rarely cross paths. Twice a year we see you, and I’m sure the way things work, you have done wrong by us in one way or another at some point. But today on the Lake known as Erie, you are our hero. Thanks for extending your series with the Nuggets. We like being the only team waiting. Continue reading

Monday Morning: Did You See That?

We all saw it last night, Glen Davis hit a shot that if he could have pulled off in college, LSU would have been back to back champs instead of Florida. Everyone loved the way the Celtics and Big Baby celebrated. Hard to believe this team won a championship EVER,  let alone THE LAST ONE after the way they reacted to a game four Eastern Conference Semifinal victory. But, did we see everything? Yes, we all saw Davis shove the kid… but look a little closer, around the 1:15 mark. Continue reading

Open Letter to Atlanta: Curb Your Stupidity

Mike. Michael. Mikeeeey. Listen.

Mike. Michael. Mikeeeey. Listen.

 Dear Mike Woodson,

Well, here we are. You are in round two of the NBA Playoffs, after your first winning season in God Knows How Long. You put Dwayne Wade and his Heat away in round one. Your fans seem to have a pulse, even if it’s one that is incredibly misinformed on how to handle opposing star players in their prime in the playoffs. Mike, nobody ever thought you would make it this long in Atlanta, not even you. It is time, for the sake of your franchise, to just give up in Game 4 Monday. It makes a lot of sense. Continue reading