Ok, We’re ready.

Well, the Celtics finally made it official today, they will not be the most disappointing team in NBA history. Way to go Hawks, you gave everyone remaining in the NBA playoffs hope that “The Big Three”, “The Boston Three Party”, “The Three Bostonteers”, or “The 3 dudes who couldn’t put away a team that finished the season 8 games under five hundred and a full 29 back of you” can be beaten. That includes the team they will face next, our beloved Cleveland Cavaliers.

My overall thoughts heading into game one:

— Has there ever, in the history of the NBA, been a more pathetic coaching match up in the second round than Doc Rivers and Mike Brown? I can almost guarantee you this series, however long it lasts, will set a record for most unused timeouts by two teams in a playoff series.

— We need Wally to step up, like he did in game six against the Wizards. He doesn’t need to score 26 a night, but he needs to make the Celtics believe that he can. Remember how they so carelessly shipped you to the Bermuda triangle of basketball that is Seattle? Get mad, Wally. Get mad.

— It is beyond essential that we take one of the first two. I know this is really a John Madden point, but hear me out. I would prefer if the Cavs would win game two as opposed to game one. Why? Because the Celtics feel untouchable at that Garden of theirs. A win in game two when they immediately have to hit the road (where they have yet to win a playoff game) would get into their psyche. That would be the best situation for the Cavs, crush their cushy little home life, and then make them hit the road. Or, you know, Cavs could just take the first two, whatever.

— This is where Ben Wallace will make his money. This series. I know he hasn’t been the same player that he was in years past, but there’s no way i will believe that he isn’t capable of getting into Kevin Garnett’s head if Zaza Pachulia did.

— Finals appearances. LeBron 1, Big Three 0. That’s all I’m saying.

— And finally. Outside of Pittsburgh, there isn’t a single fan base I hate losing to more than the Massholes. They have just become intolerable in recent years. It’s been documented very well in the past few years, and I can guarantee you one thing: Cleveland fans would never… EVER… be as intolerable as Boston fans currently are, no matter how many championships we may win in the future. Please, please just give us the chance to prove to you that I’m right.

— Oh, and one final word for all of you Bostonians. Actually, make it 1,000 words:

Let’s kick the tires and light the fires. See you on Tuesday night.

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