FAKE REPORT: Carey signs with Indians

WINTER HAVEN– Drew Carey, come on down.

In an ongoing effort to keep up with the Yankees, the Cleveland Indians have signed their own hometown comedian to a contract with their big-league club. Drew Carey, the native Clevelander, agreeing to a one-day deal worth close to $1.2 million dollars with his boyhood team. This coming one day after the New York Yankees announced they had signed Billy Crystal , a move that can only be described as a PR stunt. General Manager Mark Shapiro has other ideas for Carey. “He will bat fourth in our lineup for our upcoming game against Toronto [Thursday] and we’ll take it from there.” Shapiro adding that Carey is a viable, “contingency plan” in case Travis Hafner gets off to another slow start.

Hafner, the current Indians designated hitter isn’t worried though, and couldn’t be happier to have his new teammate aboard. “I’ve always been a big fan of The Drew Carey Show and The Price is Right.” The native South Dakotan is excited to talk to his new teammate about calling one of the games on Price is Right “Pronk.” “It wouldn’t have to be a car game necessarily, they could give away a f*****g dinette set for all I care.”

Carey also hasn’t taken long endearing himself to his manager, Eric Wedge. “I’d say about 95% of our interaction has been positive so far. The only thing I didn’t care for was his take on the Aristocrat joke. Amputee defecation is off-limits for me.”

The Carey deal isn’t Shapiro’s first venture into comical contracts. Before the 2005 season, Cleveland negotiated terms with outfielder Juan Gonzalez, a move that delayed current center fielder Grady Sizemore’s development into a big league player. Gonzalez began the season on the DL, then tore is groin running out of the box in his only at-bat for the Indians that season. $500,000 well spent.

Once again, Carey scheduled to make his spring appearance Thursday against the Toronto Blue Jays, we will have a full report from Indians camp after the first contest of the Drew Carey Era in Cleveland.

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One Response

  1. So…this IS fake, right?

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