You see what he did there?

“Don’t believe the hype.”

Orlando has been screaming this line since probably 20 minutes after they bumped off Boston in reference to league MVP LeBron James, led by Orlando Sentinel ‘writer’ Mike “My 15 minute egg timer is down to four” Bianchi.

Well I’m here to tell you right now that you shouldn’t believe the hype… about Dwight Howard.

Somehow lost in the Howard lovefest from Charles Barkley and certain Floridian “journalists” is a glaring fact: Dwight Howard is a huge cheap-shot with a reactionary nature that could–at best–be described as wholly childish.

Yeah, I said it.

How many times this series have we seen Howard get fouled this series only to throw an elbow at whoever had wronged him? I can think of at least five, including two last night (against Z and Wally, the latter being considerably more egregious).

It is quickly becoming the 800 pound gorilla in the corner of the room that the media is flat-out refusing to discuss. Does Howard have to actually connect with one of his post-foul ‘bows before the sports media gets upset? People really glossed over it when he rearranged Sam Dalembert’s face in the first round with an accurate elbow flail, and noone is talking about it despite the fact that Howard is averaging at least one maliciously thrown elbow per game this series.

Does the league have to wait until someone else gets a face full of 12′s forearm before they react again? Is the clear and obvious intent somehow not good enough for Stu Jackson and company? This boggles my mind.

It’s a cheap, cheap way to go through the playoffs and noone is calling him out for it. Well I am. The league needs to do something about this and the media needs to start holding their newest darling accountable before he crushes someone’s noggin again.

Either way, though, I get the feeling that karma is gonna find Howard soon enough and throw him a couple bows of its own.

Like many Cleveland fans today, Paul Lassiter's smile belies the fact that he's dying inside

I don’t really know what to say right now. My thoughts aren’t very organized so I suppose I’ll have to just structure them through–surprise–the magic of bullet points to try and get my entire stream of consciousness recorded for all five of you who read this blog to see.

• It’s official: Orlando can no longer claim that they don’t get any calls. Ignoring all of the touch fouls the Cavs were whistled for, and even ignoring the muggings the Magic got away with on defense, when Dwight Howard tackled Delonte West before that ball went out of bounds with six seconds left it should’ve been game over with Delonte on the line. Period. Instead the refs decide to eat the whistle and the rest is history. Brutal.
• I hate this team for making me believe. I really do. After the watershed Cleveland heartbreak year of 2007–OSU football twice, OSU basketball, the Cavs, Browns and Indians all crushing us in a 366 day span–I had promised myself to never get so attached to these teams. Even last year I felt that the Cavs were playing with house money after the Washington series. But this year seemed different; doesn’t seem so different now.
• If the Cavs can’t do the impossible over the next six days, it will mark the fourth time in twelve years that the bandwagoning, know-nothing fans of Florida will be rewarded over the fans of Cleveland. This proves, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the sports gods do not factor in the fans. What is it about Boston and Florida? Jeez.
• Two things are absolutely torching the Cavs’ defense right now: doubling ANYONE and going under screens. Every time the D collapses to double in the paint, SOMETHING BAD HAPPENS. At some point the defense has to admit that it’s better to let Dwight Howard get 39 than to let his teammates hit 17 freaking threes.  Doubling Howard in the paint is bad enough, but when the help comes over against the Turkish Edward James Almos or Rafer freaking Alston–especially Alston, who is borderline petrified of finishing at the rim–nothing good can come of it. I’m ready to say stop double-teaming Orlando, period. As far as going under screens, just watch: every time one of our guards goes under a high screen, it ends in a made three. Both of these things need to flat-out stop happening.
• Talking last night with Amar from Cavalier Attitude, we both agreed that Danny Ferry’s non-move at the trade deadline–passing on Shaq in the name of team chemistry–is looking absolutely putrid today. You don’t think Shaq would be a perfect answer for Howard right now? And for what? JJ Hickson and what’s left of Wally Szczerbiak? At some point you need to have, ugh, the Yankees mentality: do what you need to do to win THIS YEAR and screw everything else.
• I may try and be a bit less scatterbrained and assemble a real recap later, but don’t bet the farm on it.
• One last thing: woe is us.

The Maestro?!

When I was a kid, from time to time, I would ask my mother for a cookie. If her initial response was no, I would whine, and tell her why I deserved a cookie. If that didn’t work, I would seek out another adult to give me the cookie I felt I so richly deserved. Never at any point would I draft a letter saying, “cookie distribution is one-sided in favor of the adults.”

Today, Josh Cribbs drafted a letter (!) to supposedly inform fans that he REALLY REALLY REALLY wants a new contract. Cribbs is getting some pretty terrible advice.

Here’s how holdouts work Josh. You either hold out, or you don’t. You don’t draft letters. I know you have a family to feed, I know that you think your performance deserves more money than you are currently being paid, I get it that you want a new deal.

I GATHERED ALL OF THAT WHEN I HEARD YOU WERE HOLDING OUT.

This letter reeks of desperation. This letter is straight out of the playbook of a high school girl who gets dumped a week before prom. Cribbs, I agree that you deserve some more scratch, I think you’re a great player, single-handedly responsible for several wins over the years. The one thing (I think) this letter tells me is that you really didn’t WANT to hold out, but the people around you told you that you should. That’s fine. Go get your coin, son. Leave the letter in the drawer.

Look, nobody likes holdouts, and I’m no different. I particularly don’t like players holding out that I really want back on the team. But 10 times out of 10, I’ll take a holdout over a guy who may or may not call Browns Headquarters at 2 AM after having too much to drink, only to hang up after the second ring.

This is what a wake-up call looks like. All of the Cavs submitted a, “What I did on my 8 day vacation” essay and failed. From top to bottom. LeBron passing up shots in the final minutes, the other starters having absolutely no confidence in their abilities at either end of the floor. And our bench. Oh my sweet goodness our bench.Five points in 41 minutes out of the bench. I’m not going to write it again for emphasis, I could barely write it once. THAT JUST CANNOT HAPPEN.

Now, the Seaward blew up the coaching. I don’t need to do that. Thanks Seaward for not making me punch something. Here’s what we discuss now, the undeniable biggest problem in the series for the Cavs: how in the name of Craig Ehlo are we going to guard Dwight Howard?

John Hollinger wrote a fantastic article yesterday previewing the series. In it, Hollinger suggested that maybe LeBron try his hand at guarding Howard. He pointed out that LeBron couldn’t do it ALL game, at the risk of fouling out. At this point, this might be what has to be done.

Z can’t guard him. Joe Smith is too small. Ben Wallace could’ve guarded him in a past life. LeBron is really the only capable defender the Cavs have for Dwight Howard. The Cavs need to figure out what to do with the man child, because everything else depends on it. Everything. Doubling Howard allows one of their 18 million perimeter shooters to be wide open, and, outside of going to a zone defense, we can’t double team and expect not to get burned on the perimeter.

But, LeBron can’t guard him all game. This is why I will submit this: Darnell Jackson. He’s a big guy, and, more importantly, he has fouls to give. There’s no reason for Mike Brown not to try the DBlock on Howard. NO REASON.  There’s no doubt that whatever results Jackson could produce on the defensively guarding Howard would make up for his lack of offense on the other end. If Z can’t start finding his touch as a shooter, the Magic aren’t going to honor it for too much longer, meaning that Jackson’s lack of range becomes a moot point. This kid has to be hungry–STARVING–for an opportunity to actually contribute to this team.  Put him in for 10 minutes in the second quarter of game two, just to see what he does. Heck, he might even frustrate Howard to the point where he slaps him around, like he did to Sam Dalembert in the Magic’s first series against Philly. Who knows what the DBlock is capable of? That’s the point!

As a Cavs fan, I want to win the Championship. Obviously. But, if we fall short, I want to know that every possible option, every possible angle, every single flag was run up the pole and saluted. Put Jackson in for 10 minutes. Just see.

Besides, maybe he’ll even score 2 points on a putback. Which, if he did in game one, would have accounted for 28% of our bench scoring.

SERIOUSLY, 5 POINTS OUT OF OUR BENCH IN 41 MINUTES?!?!

This picture of Mike Brown is from 2005. Care to guess why I included it?

After I’ve made some previous profanity-laced blog posts on old blog projects coming off enfuriating Cleveland playoff losses, I’ve pledged since the 2007 ALCS to never again write while angry. And I won’t. I am writing this sentence at 11:31 PM EDT, and walking away. I’ll let you know when I come back.

11:51 PM. It’s been 20 minutes and–shock!–the sting hasn’t even begun to wear off. As anyone who knows me will attest, I take losses harder than most other Cleveland fans.

Let’s take that a step farther: I am a terrible loser.

You could say that I am in the 98th percentile for being an absolute piece of crap when one of my teams loses in the playoffs. ’96 ALDS? Blind rage. ’97 World Series? Inconsolable. ’03 Wild Card weekend? Get the hell away from me. ’07 BCS Title Game? Seething. The aforementioned ’07 ALCS? Dead to the world for days.

Yet… somehow… this feels worse. Off the charts worse. I am absolutely miserable to be around right now. Let’s talk about it. If we can.I don’t even know where to start. I don’t… I can’t… I just… AUGH. Everything that was right with the world in the first half went bizarro in the second half. The offense was stagnant. The three-point defense disintegrated. Orlando was able to get out on the break. I swear to God, I think I saw the 2006 Cavaliers out there over the last 24 minutes.

Dare I say that Mo Williams’ half court shot was the worst possible thing that could’ve happened heading into halftime? I view it as entirely possible that the dunk by that Polish guy who’s name is absolutely not worth remembering could’ve ignited the Cavs’ defense in the second half, but instead everyone spent recess falling over from slapping eachother on the back after Mo drained the heave. Just throwing it out there.

The Cavs offense in the second half, though, was dreadful; absolutely without redeeming value. Players badly missing wide-open looks, heaving up god-awful jump shots with over 16 seconds left on the shot clock, infinite LeBron/ball-watching. I’ll say it again: it looked like 2006 all over again out there.

And the offense wasn’t the only thing the Cavs had in ’06 mode Wednesday… Mike Brown was up to his old tricks in Game One, too. I’m sorry, but just because you’ve rested LeBron to start the fourth quarter in every game all year long doesn’t give you the license to do it in THE MOST IMPORTANT GAME OF THE YEAR. Not in a four-point game. Not with the only real obstacle to James’ scoring spree chained to the Orlando bench with four fouls. But he of the Milk Dud noggin did just that anyway, and what results did that rest yield? Why, a 5-0 Orlando run to open the fourth quarter in what turned out to be a one-point loss, thankyouverymuch.

What are you saving him for, Mike? Next year? Because if you pull crap like that again on Friday if it’s close after three, that is precisely what your next concern will be: next year.

Now the other side of that argument was that LeBron was gassed at the end of the game, but I honestly don’t think it comes to that if LeBron is running the offense to start the fourth instead of… whatever you want to call that disaster of a lineup Brown sent out there to open the fourth. If the Cavs had staved off that third-into-the-fourth quarter charge by Orlando and kept the lead I think Cleveland cruises through the fourth. I really do.

So instead of what looked like a laughably easy Game One win, we as Cavs fans have to take an honest look in the mirror and wonder: where do we go from here?

Personally, I don’t know. Tonight’s game was an absolute worst-case scenario, in my mind. I am hitting the freaking panic button with a sledgehammer. A game that the Cavs had complete control of slipped away at home and the single most important thing the Cavs had earned in the regular season–home court advantage–evaporated over the course of 24 mortifyingly bad minutes of basketball.

Where do we go from here? I can’t say, but the Cavaliers now have 44 hours to figure it out or this dream season will turn into yet another chapter of Cleveland playoff heartbreak.

I don’t know if I can take this anymore.

"Well, it's ****in' Monday afternoon! You should get out of bed earlier!"

It was a busy weekend in Cleveland and I spent almost all of it out of town and away from a computer, so let’s take just about my favorite thing in the history of blogs–BULLET POINTS!–and wheel our way around the weekend that was along America’s North Coast.

• Ohh… the Indians. People often look for turning points in seasons when a team figures it out and goes from mediocre to contending. Friday’s game was pretty much the opposite of that, I’m willing to wager; an anti-turning point, if you will, that took a team that was starting to get it together and kicked it right in the mommy & daddy button. The bullpen is not getting better and there is seemingly no end in sight.
• When I was still at (the infamous) SportsTalkCleveland.com, I had a lengthy discussion with Bruce Drennan on how Major League Baseball umpires were, of the big four sports, the best in-game officials. I am officially ready to retract that opinion after watching the men in blue absolutely butcher calls with and without the aid of instant replay. The call on Garko’s would-be double yesterday was an absolute farce. And don’t even get me started on Troy “Jim Thome’s Bitch” Percival not getting tossed in the ninth. Here’s my 2009 order of competence among major professional in-game officials, from best to worst: NHL > NFL > MLB > NBA — that’s right, MLB umpires are now behind the crew that once upon a time botched a coin toss. Think about that.
• About that almost-double by Ryan Garko. Here’s my reason why I think Wedge was ultimately not thrown out of that game: the umpires said to him, “Um, even if that was a double, your next batter is David Dellucci. Do you REALLY think that runner will get to the plate with rally kryptonite on deck? The point is moot, sir.”
• Eric Wedge should have been immediately fired, with prejudice, when Kerry Wood didn’t put a fastball in Carl Crawford’s earhole Sunday. While I will admit that it may have been nearly as good to watch Crawford stand on the back edge of the batter’s box and submit one of the most cowardly strikeouts in league history, it should’ve never gotten to that point. Wood should’ve dotted Crawford before he even stepped onto the back line of the box. Say what you want about Jagmaster General Ozzie Guillen but, if he was managing the Indians, Wood would’ve either drilled Crawford or been handed a bus ticket to Columbus. Period.
• The Cavs have an actual opponent for the Eastern Conference Finals! That’s super! Obviously the Cavs matched up poorly a couple times against Orlando during the regular season, but the rest of the extra week off will ultimately be the difference. Plus, you know, that whole “the regular season means absolutely nothing” stuff. I just wish Game One was tomorrow instead of Wednesday.
• I know many Cavs fans who were screaming “We want Boston!” all through the conference semis, but I’m telling you right now that I got exactly what I wanted from the other series: seven games. Sure, Orlando didn’t exactly have to press too hard to win Game Seven, but they’ve now played five more playoff games than the Cavs in the same time span; arguably a whole extra series. That will matter if this series is extended.
• I wish Channel 3 had set up a way to view the Red Wings-Blackhawks game yesterday afternoon somehow, some way. Not only was I getting increasingly frustrated with the Indians during the middle portions of yesterday’s game, but because of how the system works, there is no channel on the NHL Center Ice package for a conf. finals game when it’s being aired nationally by NBC, even if your particular market is airing another event in its stead. Fairly frustrating, and I’m not even a Wings or Hawks fan. I imagine my uncle in Brecksville, who is a die-hard Wings fanatic, was losing his freaking mind waiting to be able to view Game One.
• Seriously… how lame did Crawford look during his at bat in the 8th? He couldn’t have been any deeper in the far corner of the batter’s box when he watched the first two strikes sail by and that wimpy little defensive swing for strike three was downright comical. I can’t get over how unimaginably weak Crawford came off in that AB despite being one of the main instigators (along with Joe Maddon) of that phantom fracas.

At least now we can start getting amped up again about the Cavs, since the Indians did not exactly provide a pleasant diversion this past weekend. Look for lots of Cavs stuff this week, including my attempt to get some Orlando hatred built up. We’ll see how it goes.

Ugh. Thanks to Cleveland.com, we’ve learned that our constant mind-games with Jeremy Sowers will continue. I feel bad for the young man, because he was set up to fail. He’s now heading to Columbus, and we’re bringing someone that has been bouncing around the majors for the past ten years. Not that other players haven’t had success doing what Luis Vizcaino has done, but the Indians should be cautious in the way they are treating some of their young arms. On one hand, we have Adam Miller. Miller has had so many injuries that one of my friends is convinced he doesn’t really exist. I’m not saying that Miller doesn’t deserved to be coddled because of his seemingly endless string of injuries, but on the other side of the coin are guys like Sowers and Aaron Laffey.

These two guys have done EVERYTHING we have asked of them. Laffey will probably now come BACK to the starting rotation to make room for the new carpetbagger in the bullpen. Not to go all JT Walsh’s character in Blue Chips on you here, but we owe both Sowers and Laffey some consistency. Sure, you can say it’s their lack of consistency that makes the situation so unstable. Now we are in a classic chicken-or-the-egg situation. One that the Indians should want to desperately avoid.

Last I checked, we aren’t really contending at the moment. We need to figure out what we have in Jeremy Sowers and Aaron Laffey. We need to define roles for them, and then see if they can succeed or fail… once and for all. For all of Cliff Lee’s issues a few season ago, he was never a reliever. I’m sure that even in his greatest moment of self-doubt, he said to himself, “The Cleveland Indians are counting on me to be a starter, I need to get my act together for this club, or to show someone else what I’m capable of doing as a starter.”

What is Sowers saying to himself right now on his way to Columbus? I don’t think anyone really has any idea. Both of these guys have enough of a body of work that if the Indians didnt like them, they would be gone by now (see: Tallet, Brian and Guthrie, Jeremy). It boggles my mind that the Indians organization has a soft spot for two guys, yet constantly change their roles, stunting their growth. Find a spot for them, and leave them alone. Then evaluate. It’s all I ask.

Well… this is an interesting twist to what we discussed yesterday: this morning the Youngstown Vindicator reported that co-manager Mike Pavlik, Sr., has denied the Friday report of a staph infection in Kelly’s hand, going so far as to say the Ghost has maintained a clean bill of health.

That could certainly put a spin on yesterday’s discussion. IF dear old dad’s comments are accurate, it makes you wonder why Top Rank really delayed the June 27th bout against Mora. We’ll be keeping an eye on this.

Whatever the actual reason may be, if Pavlik is ailing–whether the opponent is a preferred matchup like Arthur Abraham (rumored to be the next matchup for the Ghost after Mora) or a scheduled opponent like Mora (or Rubio before him)–it is absolutely the right call to delay the fight.

Now I think we can all agree that Pavlik was probably at about 85% or so during his systematic dismantling of Rubio in February, so it’s not to say that he can’t fight when he’s not at his best. No, more to the point is that there’s no need to risk his not being ready.

Why not, you may ask? That’s easy: October.

Pavlik supporters all remember October when a bronchitis-and-bursitis-ridden Kelly Pavlik was absolutely routed in a timeless performance by Bernard Hopkins in A.C. The beating he took was so thorough that some experts wondered out loud if Pavlik would’ve been beaten at 100% by Hopkins (personally, I think he would’ve; Hopkins was flat-out ridiculous that night, but you’re not exactly talking to Bert Sugar, here).

Now, in fairness, Pavlik never used his injury or illness as an excuse for his only professional loss. Trainer Jack Loew maybe, kinda did… but not Pavlik. Obviously the conditions played a factor, though noone will ever know the extent to which that was the case.

Is Sergio Mora the same as Bernard Hopkins? Hell no. He’s a stepping stone fight for Bob Arum and Top Rank to set up the Pavlik-Abraham bout people have been drooling over.

But why risk it? Jack Loew and company are right on to call Arum and delay the Mora match until Pavlik can fight at full health and preparedness.

Trying to rush the fight–especially if it is the dreaded staph infection–would be a mistake that could rob boxing fans of a highly desired and anticipated fight this fall. So hats off to Team Pavlik.

Just letting all of you Ohio sports fans that Washington Capitals Center Dave Steckel is someone you should be loving right now. He’s got everything you could ever want in an athlete: he attended The Ohio State University, and he is giving the city of Pittsburgh fits. I think we can all agree any misery brought that that horrific city is something we can all get behind.

Steckel scored the game winner in overtime last night, and also was the only player other than Sydney Crosby and Alex Ovechkin to score in game 2 of the series, where the Caps won by a goal. Thatta way, Steckel! Could we trouble you for an O-H! after your game winner in Game 7?