"Well, it's ****in' Monday afternoon! You should get out of bed earlier!"

It was a busy weekend in Cleveland and I spent almost all of it out of town and away from a computer, so let’s take just about my favorite thing in the history of blogs–BULLET POINTS!–and wheel our way around the weekend that was along America’s North Coast.

• Ohh… the Indians. People often look for turning points in seasons when a team figures it out and goes from mediocre to contending. Friday’s game was pretty much the opposite of that, I’m willing to wager; an anti-turning point, if you will, that took a team that was starting to get it together and kicked it right in the mommy & daddy button. The bullpen is not getting better and there is seemingly no end in sight.
• When I was still at (the infamous) SportsTalkCleveland.com, I had a lengthy discussion with Bruce Drennan on how Major League Baseball umpires were, of the big four sports, the best in-game officials. I am officially ready to retract that opinion after watching the men in blue absolutely butcher calls with and without the aid of instant replay. The call on Garko’s would-be double yesterday was an absolute farce. And don’t even get me started on Troy “Jim Thome’s Bitch” Percival not getting tossed in the ninth. Here’s my 2009 order of competence among major professional in-game officials, from best to worst: NHL > NFL > MLB > NBA — that’s right, MLB umpires are now behind the crew that once upon a time botched a coin toss. Think about that.
• About that almost-double by Ryan Garko. Here’s my reason why I think Wedge was ultimately not thrown out of that game: the umpires said to him, “Um, even if that was a double, your next batter is David Dellucci. Do you REALLY think that runner will get to the plate with rally kryptonite on deck? The point is moot, sir.”
• Eric Wedge should have been immediately fired, with prejudice, when Kerry Wood didn’t put a fastball in Carl Crawford’s earhole Sunday. While I will admit that it may have been nearly as good to watch Crawford stand on the back edge of the batter’s box and submit one of the most cowardly strikeouts in league history, it should’ve never gotten to that point. Wood should’ve dotted Crawford before he even stepped onto the back line of the box. Say what you want about Jagmaster General Ozzie Guillen but, if he was managing the Indians, Wood would’ve either drilled Crawford or been handed a bus ticket to Columbus. Period.
• The Cavs have an actual opponent for the Eastern Conference Finals! That’s super! Obviously the Cavs matched up poorly a couple times against Orlando during the regular season, but the rest of the extra week off will ultimately be the difference. Plus, you know, that whole “the regular season means absolutely nothing” stuff. I just wish Game One was tomorrow instead of Wednesday.
• I know many Cavs fans who were screaming “We want Boston!” all through the conference semis, but I’m telling you right now that I got exactly what I wanted from the other series: seven games. Sure, Orlando didn’t exactly have to press too hard to win Game Seven, but they’ve now played five more playoff games than the Cavs in the same time span; arguably a whole extra series. That will matter if this series is extended.
• I wish Channel 3 had set up a way to view the Red Wings-Blackhawks game yesterday afternoon somehow, some way. Not only was I getting increasingly frustrated with the Indians during the middle portions of yesterday’s game, but because of how the system works, there is no channel on the NHL Center Ice package for a conf. finals game when it’s being aired nationally by NBC, even if your particular market is airing another event in its stead. Fairly frustrating, and I’m not even a Wings or Hawks fan. I imagine my uncle in Brecksville, who is a die-hard Wings fanatic, was losing his freaking mind waiting to be able to view Game One.
• Seriously… how lame did Crawford look during his at bat in the 8th? He couldn’t have been any deeper in the far corner of the batter’s box when he watched the first two strikes sail by and that wimpy little defensive swing for strike three was downright comical. I can’t get over how unimaginably weak Crawford came off in that AB despite being one of the main instigators (along with Joe Maddon) of that phantom fracas.

At least now we can start getting amped up again about the Cavs, since the Indians did not exactly provide a pleasant diversion this past weekend. Look for lots of Cavs stuff this week, including my attempt to get some Orlando hatred built up. We’ll see how it goes.

Ugh. Thanks to Cleveland.com, we’ve learned that our constant mind-games with Jeremy Sowers will continue. I feel bad for the young man, because he was set up to fail. He’s now heading to Columbus, and we’re bringing someone that has been bouncing around the majors for the past ten years. Not that other players haven’t had success doing what Luis Vizcaino has done, but the Indians should be cautious in the way they are treating some of their young arms. On one hand, we have Adam Miller. Miller has had so many injuries that one of my friends is convinced he doesn’t really exist. I’m not saying that Miller doesn’t deserved to be coddled because of his seemingly endless string of injuries, but on the other side of the coin are guys like Sowers and Aaron Laffey.

These two guys have done EVERYTHING we have asked of them. Laffey will probably now come BACK to the starting rotation to make room for the new carpetbagger in the bullpen. Not to go all JT Walsh’s character in Blue Chips on you here, but we owe both Sowers and Laffey some consistency. Sure, you can say it’s their lack of consistency that makes the situation so unstable. Now we are in a classic chicken-or-the-egg situation. One that the Indians should want to desperately avoid.

Last I checked, we aren’t really contending at the moment. We need to figure out what we have in Jeremy Sowers and Aaron Laffey. We need to define roles for them, and then see if they can succeed or fail… once and for all. For all of Cliff Lee’s issues a few season ago, he was never a reliever. I’m sure that even in his greatest moment of self-doubt, he said to himself, “The Cleveland Indians are counting on me to be a starter, I need to get my act together for this club, or to show someone else what I’m capable of doing as a starter.”

What is Sowers saying to himself right now on his way to Columbus? I don’t think anyone really has any idea. Both of these guys have enough of a body of work that if the Indians didnt like them, they would be gone by now (see: Tallet, Brian and Guthrie, Jeremy). It boggles my mind that the Indians organization has a soft spot for two guys, yet constantly change their roles, stunting their growth. Find a spot for them, and leave them alone. Then evaluate. It’s all I ask.

So last night was my first trip to Progressive Field.

No, no, I’ve been to Indians home games since the start of the 1994 season–many, many home games, including Game Four of the ‘95 ALCS–but this was my first trip to the corner of Carnegie & Ontario since it changed names because, as you may remember, I lived in scenic eastern Kentucky for the vast majority of the 2008 season.

Now, as you might imagine, there was no earth-shaking paradigm shift from my experience of games at Jacobs Field in 2007 to my experience last night at The Pro; it was new and familiar all at once. So let’s rap about it via the magic of bullet points and random observations!

• As we got to our seats, I was immediately struck by the fact that, despite the extremely light MLB schedule on Monday, there was no scoreboard anywhere in the park keeping fans updated on what was going on with the Cavs game. This may come as news to the Indians… but they are not the only team in Cleveland. I would say a good third of the people at the game last night were wearing Cavs gear, yet they had to whip out their cell phones to keep updated on the game. There wasn’t even an announcement of the score until they flashed it up on the jumbotron at the end of the third quarter. After that Ryan Pritt did a little run through the highlights mid-way through the fourth and then announced when the game as an 84-74 final. Still disappointing that we had to wait to be told. It wouldn’t be the end of the world for the Tribe to be a little more supportive of their considerably more successful neighbor.
• You’ve got to give it up for Carl Pavano so far. The much-maligned Pav may have an unsightly 6.45 ERA and a Wickman-esque 1.45 WHIP, but damnit he’s winning. His ability to get the first strike last night was critical in keeping the Chicago hitters (mostly) at bay and he let his fielders do the job on a night where the offense (thankfully) showed up.
• I was also pleased to read the AP recap when I got back to Youngstown to see this quote from Pavano: “Personally I’m disappointed: I needed to go deeper. This is a game that I should have kept the bullpen out of it.” Darn tootin’ you need to keep the bully out of it. Even though Laffey was decent and Betancourt was… err… not atrocious, it’s probably a good idea this season to not give the bullpen a chance to screw up an eminently winnable game.
• Small ball! Even with a four-run lead, I love to see the small ball. Cabrera’s stealing second in the sixth sparked another rally that hung a crooked number on the scoreboard. There’s a lesson in there somewhere, Mr. Wedge.
• Chris Getz is pretty good. His glove single-handedly killed the Tribe’s rally in the first inning and he made a number of very impressive plays ranging to his right at second base for Chicago last night.
• I believe another local blog has this angle covered, but I’ll give it a whack anyway: David Dellucci is a one-man rally-killing machine and needs to be permanently removed from the lineup. Runners on second and third in the first? No problem, he’ll ground out to first! Two on with Gavin Floyd on the ropes after giving up a pair of two-run singles sandwiched around an HBP? Fugheddaboutit, he’ll hit the softest little baby liner you’ve ever seen to Getz to end the inning. Finally, Dellucci was lifted for Ryan Garko in the sixth and, LO AND BEHOLD, Garko hits a ball out of the infield and the Indians score a run. There’s a lesson in there, Mr. Wedge.
• Mark DeRosa’s defense will prove an unimaginable asset at third base by the end of the season. I am positive of this, and not just because of the parade of bums at the hot corner that we’ve seen since Travis Fryman left town.
• Fun and random aside #1: Ryan Pritt is everywhere. Emcee and in-game producer for the Monsters, emcee for the Indians and even the in-game producer for the junior hockey team here in Youngstown, he is arguably the hardest working man in show business along America’s North Coast. Big ups.
• Fun and random aside #2: At the end of the 8th inning The Most Hated Man in Major League Baseball, A.J. Pierzynski, grabbed the ball after Jhonny struck out and lofted it to a crowd of White Sox fans sitting along the first base line (one section to the right of where I was sitting). The ball was placed perfectly, but one of the girls completely botched catching it, and it rolled all the way down to a cloud of Indians fans sitting three rows in front of them. The Chicago fans begged, pleaded and even cried to the eventual recipients of Pierzynski’s charity, but could not pry the ball loose from the Tribe fans. Good for the Tribe fans, I say, and not out of any particular enmity toward the White Sox. Look, the rules are simple for foul balls–and by all rights, the catcher throwing you a ball is treated the same way: catch it, and it’s yours; miss it, and it’s fair game. Cry all you want, but your stone hands cost you a souvenir, period. You’ll also get no pity from me; I’ve been going to Indians games since age five and have never gotten a foul ball. So boo-freakin’-hoo.

All in all, a pretty solid trip to the Pro, and apparently I didn’t even miss a very attractive Cavs game. I’ll take it. Now if the Tribe could just get nights like this more consistently.

Carl, this is Jim Thome. You may know him as the Chicago White Sox designated hitter that has absolutely mauled your pitching staff this season. What you may not know is that this man should NEVER EVER EVER get a hit off of any of your pitchers.

How, you may ask, can a guy with an OPS of 1.086 against your pitchers (despite a .250 AVG!) be held hitless? Well, Carl, it’s stunningly simple: throw him inside curveballs.

Now I know you’re very busy trying to strike a balance between one of the best starting staffs in the bigs and one of the shakiest bullpens (see: Elarton, Scott), but should that really preclude you from so much as glancing at a scouting report? I mean, it’s not exactly a closely guarded state secret that Jim Thome has a gargantuan hole in his swing over the inside part of the plate; Cleveland fans have known since the mid-90’s that Thome looks like he’s batting against Bugs Bunny when a pitcher throws him a breaking ball inside.

I also understand that with a righty like Paul Byrd out there, it’s not exactly easy to throw inside curves to a lefty like Thome… in fact, I can see that generally having a righty throw a curve to a lefty is a policy begging for a ball to be hit to the Batter’s Eye. But can you, at the very least, not have your pitchers do this:

Again, not a pitching guru here, but this is yet another of baseball’s worst-kept secrets: Jim Thome annihilates outside pitching. And yet you allow your staff to throw outside junk like that to him? Still?

This drives me crazier than ever because without Thome’s home run, that game theoretically ends in the 9th with an Indians win.

Come on, Carl, you should know better than that.

There are numerous acconts of players that have left the Indians and become great successes. Recently, some of these names have popped up in sort of a, “wow I wish we still had them because nobody can hit” kind of way. Kevin Kouzmanoff had his first multi-homer game this weekend, Brandon Phillips is raking for the Reds, as is Ryan Ludwick for the Cardinals. One player that’s still terrible? Russell Branyan. I still don’t understand why this cat has a job to be honest with you. Check out his line this afternoon for the Milwaukee Brewers:

0-5, 4 K, 4 LOB

Impressive stuff. This is not a blog where we make a habit of just crushing people, but I just can’t resist ol’ Russ here. The pot is really calling the kettle black considering that this line wouldn’t keep him out of an Indians lineup. But I mean, four strikeouts? Against the Washington Nationals? Jeez-oh-petes, Russ.

No, this title does not mean that someone is now in the Cleveland Clinic. What it does mean is that former Tribe slugger Albert Belle failed yesterday in his bid to quailfy for the 2008 US Open. What a shame. Here’s the quote that I found most interesting, from his caddie Jeff Helmick, a Clevelander:

“It was 110 degrees, the hottest day of the year,” said Helmick. “Albert and I must have drank 15 to 18 bottles [of water] each. Albert did all right, but he had some problems putting.”

Albert had trouble putting. You’re telling me that Joey had problems with his nerves? Get out of town. He shot an 80, putting him a good 16 shots out of the money, or in this case, out of the next qualifying round. I personally would have loved to see Belle in the field. Can you imgine him and Tiger in the same group? If a photographer following that group arrived in the clubhouse with no facial scars and his camera in one piece, the USGA should cut him a certified check of one million dollars.

Better luck next year, Albert. What you should do is make Jason Grimsley your caddie next year and cork your irons.

I’m pretty sure everyone is frustrated with the way the Tribe is playing at this point. That includes members of the Indians as much as the rest of us, as WFNY so accurately pointed out earlier today. Turns out though that we have someone in our corner. His name is Ozzie Guillen:

”I don’t think it’s just them, it’s [all of] baseball,” Guillen said Wednesday. ”They are going to come out of it. Hopefully, they will panic and won’t come out of it, but I know they will.”

Ugh, makes me sick to my stomach that he is now saying that the Indians will get out of their season long slump at the plate. Can’t he just keep his mouth shut? Sure, you’re leading the division thanks in no small part to Carlos Quentin playing out of his mind.

Bottom line: Ozzie Guillen is pitying us. Can we please turn this ship around now?

That’s it.

Cavs are done, Browns are on the horizon, and I for one am not going to sit here and watch the Indians languish in the American League Central. I just will not stand for it. They are the ones who need to carry us into the fall, and they are letting us down. Sure, the bats can be blamed more than the arms, but this is a team, darnit.

Somebody needs to give this team a kick in the butt, and that person will not be me. I cannot be as eloquent or forceful as I feel I need to be to get the point across that an entire Tribe nation is counting on them. So, after the jump, I will present some motivational clips that I hope will inspire the Cleveland Indians to turn this ship around. Some of the clips are NSFW, unless you have headphones.

In no particular order, a collection of clips that are sure to motivate our Wahoo Warriors:

1. Lloyd talks Ari Gold out of dispair.

This is a perfect clip because Entourage super agent Ari Gold has just been given his walking papers, and doesn’t seem to think that anything can be done to salvage his career. Enter Lloyd, his assistant, who is there to tell him that he does have the ability to make everything just fine, possibly even better than before. Travis Hafner might want to watch this one twice.

 2. Norman Dale addresses Hickory High

Starts off by going over assignments, which is maybe what Eric Wedge needs to do. Could be that the Indians hitters aren’t hitting because they aren’t being told to hit. But, I’m sure that the players could go around the locker room and could all say someone for whom they want to win a World Series. Then maybe David (Dellucci) could strike a Philistine (Curt Schilling) with a stone or something.

3. William Wallace before battling the English

Call me crazy, but I think with the right hue of blue paint and a kilt, Lenny Barker could pull this off.

4. And finally, Gny. Sgt. Hartman instilling fear in his new troops

If all else fails, shake their very souls to the bone. Break them down to build them up. Until you win a World Series, you are PUKE! I’m pretty sure Jim Leyland has had this talk with the Tigers at least 3 times so far this season. Miguel Cabrera is obviously Private Pyle in this scenario. DEFINITELY NSFW!

 Know of any I forgot? Leave ‘em in the comments.

Cleveland 2, Chicago 7. Box score.

The Indians scored two runs and thought they could just take the rest of the night off. After Travis Hafner’s double in the sixth inning, Cleveland tallied four more hits. None for extra bases, although three did leave the infield.

If I were Eric Wedge, I would feel like Dunder Mifflin’s Jan Levinson felt when dealing with her Scranton Branch Manager Michael Scott. Wedge has tried the sticks, he has tried the carrots. Nothing seems to work. What is the solution? Is there one? We are squandering some of the best pitching in the game right now because we cannot get the bats off of our shoulders.

Paul Byrd is the type of guy that gets fed up when he doesn’t get a decent amount of run support. If you don’t believe me, jump in your DeLorean, head back to 2006, you’ll know what I’m talking about. He feeds off of a good offense, and flounders when he doesn’t get the help. Tonight, he didn’t get the help. So, even though he did give up five, I’m giving him a free pass.

Oh, and if Jim Thome would have played his entire career in the American League outside of Cleveland, he would have surpassed Bonds and Aaron because of all the games he would have played against the Indians. I don’t know if he googled it, found it in Lexus Nexus, or just remembers it from his time here, but he has our number. He’s also probably not going to give it back.

We are one bad Victor game away from Ben Francisco being the only person in our lineup batting over .300. Travis Hafner is in the lineup, then he’s out, Jhonny Peralta is in then he’s out, Blake is batting anywhere from 2nd to 8th, nothing seems to work. What I do know is that if we would have had this pitching with our lineup from 1995-1998, we would have won four straight World Serieseses. Goodness gracious.

Tomorrow is the final game in the series, Aaron Laffey (2-2, 1.35) throws against Mark Buehrle (2-5, 5.25).

The latest from Fox Sports Ken Rosenthal, who is one of the best covering the game right now:

The Brewers, Braves and Astros are among the teams that likely would show interest in Indians right-hander Paul Byrd, who could be moved after righty Jake Westbrook comes off the disabled list. Byrd, 37, has a 3.61 ERA in eight starts, but his $7.5 million salary could be an issue; teams might prefer to wait until the pro-rated obligation would be less. The Indians might prefer to wait, too, though they want to keep lefty Aaron Laffey in their rotation. A trade of Byrd could help them build inventory for a later run at a second baseman or third baseman

Lots to take from this blurb. Join me for some analysis after the jump.

First of all, Rosenthal’s take speaks volumes for what the Indians must think of Laffey. He would command a much higher price on the open market than Byrd, who a team would bring in for a playoff run and then likely cut before the following season. Byrd did prove last season that he can still be an effective hurler in the postseason, which would make him attractive.

Keeping Laffey and dealing Byrd could put extra pressure on Laffey. But, as Rosenthal suggests, moving Byrd could be the first in a series of moves to attract an infielder. So, even though the Tribe would choose to deal Byrd first, it doesn’t mean Laffey couldn’t follow.

Ignoring what we would get in return, here is the order in which the three teams listed will bite on Byrd:

1. Astros. They have one of the hottest hitting teams in the National League right now, with by far the hottest hitter this month in Lance Berkman. Berks, Miguel Tejada, Carlos Lee, and Hunter Pence will make this lineup dangerous all season. The problem with this team is thier pitching. The Astros have zero consistency out of their starting rotation, including Roy Oswalt who is normally reliable. Jose Valverde has been anchoring a once-inconsistent bullpen, but getting to that pen has been their issue.

2. Braves. With john Smoltz’s return constantly being pushed back, and Smoltz’s desire to come back in the bullpen, Atlanta has to be in the market for someone who can bring in the same type of mental toughness and every-fifth-day attitude that Smoltz has. Byrd could fit that role nicely, as well as acting as an insurance policy to a rotation that is currently counting on wild-card youngsters (Jo-Jo Reyes, Jair Jurrgens, Chuck James) to make starts.

3. Brewers. I can’t really see them getting into the trade hopper just because they are so inconsistent at the plate right now. Bringing in a pitcher like Byrd isn’t going to take the bat off of half of the shoulders in Milwaukee’s lineup right now. Don’t get me wrong, from the rotation to the bullpen this team has problems, but none of that matters if their sticks are equally as poor.

This obviously is all complete speculation but where there’s smoke, there could be fire.