Dwight Howard is a Giant Child

You see what he did there?

“Don’t believe the hype.”

Orlando has been screaming this line since probably 20 minutes after they bumped off Boston in reference to league MVP LeBron James, led by Orlando Sentinel ‘writer’ Mike “My 15 minute egg timer is down to four” Bianchi.

Well I’m here to tell you right now that you shouldn’t believe the hype… about Dwight Howard.

Somehow lost in the Howard lovefest from Charles Barkley and certain Floridian “journalists” is a glaring fact: Dwight Howard is a huge cheap-shot with a reactionary nature that could–at best–be described as wholly childish.

Yeah, I said it.

Well That’s Just Great

Like many Cleveland fans today, Paul Lassiter's smile belies the fact that he's dying inside

I don’t really know what to say right now. My thoughts aren’t very organized so I suppose I’ll have to just structure them through–surprise–the magic of bullet points to try and get my entire stream of consciousness recorded for all five of you who read this blog to see.

• It’s official: Orlando can no longer claim that they don’t get any calls. Ignoring all of the touch fouls the Cavs were whistled for, and even ignoring the muggings the Magic got away with on defense, when Dwight Howard tackled Delonte West before that ball went out of bounds with six seconds left it should’ve been game over with Delonte on the line. Period. Instead the refs decide to eat the whistle and the rest is history. Brutal.
• I hate this team for making me believe. I really do. After the watershed Cleveland heartbreak year of 2007–OSU football twice, OSU basketball, the Cavs, Browns and Indians all crushing us in a 366 day span–I had promised myself to never get so attached to these teams. Even last year I felt that the Cavs were playing with house money after the Washington series. But this year seemed different; doesn’t seem so different now.
• If the Cavs can’t do the impossible over the next six days, it will mark the fourth time in twelve years that the bandwagoning, know-nothing fans of Florida will be rewarded over the fans of Cleveland. This proves, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the sports gods do not factor in the fans. What is it about Boston and Florida? Jeez.

Who Told Josh Cribbs to Put the Balm On?

The Maestro?!

When I was a kid, from time to time, I would ask my mother for a cookie. If her initial response was no, I would whine, and tell her why I deserved a cookie. If that didn’t work, I would seek out another adult to give me the cookie I felt I so richly deserved. Never at any point would I draft a letter saying, “cookie distribution is one-sided in favor of the adults.”

Today, Josh Cribbs drafted a letter (!) to supposedly inform fans that he REALLY REALLY REALLY wants a new contract. Cribbs is getting some pretty terrible advice.

So….

This is what a wake-up call looks like. All of the Cavs submitted a, “What I did on my 8 day vacation” essay and failed. From top to bottom. LeBron passing up shots in the final minutes, the other starters having absolutely no confidence in their abilities at either end of the floor. And our bench. Oh my sweet goodness our bench.

Bad Shooting, Worse Coaching Doom Cavs

This picture of Mike Brown is from 2005. Care to guess why I included it?

After I’ve made some previous profanity-laced blog posts on old blog projects coming off enfuriating Cleveland playoff losses, I’ve pledged since the 2007 ALCS to never again write while angry. And I won’t. I am writing this sentence at 11:31 PM EDT, and walking away. I’ll let you know when I come back.

11:51 PM. It’s been 20 minutes and–shock!–the sting hasn’t even begun to wear off. As anyone who knows me will attest, I take losses harder than most other Cleveland fans.

Let’s take that a step farther: I am a terrible loser.

You could say that I am in the 98th percentile for being an absolute piece of crap when one of my teams loses in the playoffs. ’96 ALDS? Blind rage. ’97 World Series? Inconsolable. ’03 Wild Card weekend? Get the hell away from me. ’07 BCS Title Game? Seething. The aforementioned ’07 ALCS? Dead to the world for days.

Yet… somehow… this feels worse. Off the charts worse. I am absolutely miserable to be around right now. Let’s talk about it. If we can.

Monday Morning Round-up (aka Seaward Loves Bullet Points)

"Well, it's ****in' Monday afternoon! You should get out of bed earlier!"

It was a busy weekend in Cleveland and I spent almost all of it out of town and away from a computer, so let’s take just about my favorite thing in the history of blogs–BULLET POINTS!–and wheel our way around the weekend that was along America’s North Coast.

• Ohh… the Indians. People often look for turning points in seasons when a team figures it out and goes from mediocre to contending. Friday’s game was pretty much the opposite of that, I’m willing to wager; an anti-turning point, if you will, that took a team that was starting to get it together and kicked it right in the mommy & daddy button. The bullpen is not getting better and there is seemingly no end in sight.
• When I was still at (the infamous) SportsTalkCleveland.com, I had a lengthy discussion with Bruce Drennan on how Major League Baseball umpires were, of the big four sports, the best in-game officials. I am officially ready to retract that opinion after watching the men in blue absolutely butcher calls with and without the aid of instant replay. The call on Garko’s would-be double yesterday was an absolute farce. And don’t even get me started on Troy “Jim Thome’s Bitch” Percival not getting tossed in the ninth. Here’s my 2009 order of competence among major professional in-game officials, from best to worst: NHL > NFL > MLB > NBA — that’s right, MLB umpires are now behind the crew that once upon a time botched a coin toss. Think about that.
• About that almost-double by Ryan Garko. Here’s my reason why I think Wedge was ultimately not thrown out of that game: the umpires said to him, “Um, even if that was a double, your next batter is David Dellucci. Do you REALLY think that runner will get to the plate with rally kryptonite on deck? The point is moot, sir.”
• Eric Wedge should have been immediately fired, with prejudice, when Kerry Wood didn’t put a fastball in Carl Crawford’s earhole Sunday. While I will admit that it may have been nearly as good to watch Crawford stand on the back edge of the batter’s box and submit one of the most cowardly strikeouts in league history, it should’ve never gotten to that point. Wood should’ve dotted Crawford before he even stepped onto the back line of the box. Say what you want about Jagmaster General Ozzie Guillen but, if he was managing the Indians, Wood would’ve either drilled Crawford or been handed a bus ticket to Columbus. Period.

Sowers Heading Down I-71

Ugh. Thanks to Cleveland.com, we’ve learned that our constant mind-games with Jeremy Sowers will continue. I feel bad for the young man, because he was set up to fail. He’s now heading to Columbus, and we’re bringing someone that has been bouncing around the majors for the past ten years.

Follow-up: Team Pavlik Denies Staph

Well… this is an interesting twist to what we discussed yesterday: this morning the Youngstown Vindicator reported that co-manager Mike Pavlik, Sr., has denied the Friday report of a staph infection in Kelly’s hand, going so far as to say the Ghost has maintained a clean bill of health.

That could certainly put a spin on yesterday’s discussion. IF dear old dad’s comments are accurate, it makes you wonder why Top Rank really delayed the June 27th bout against Mora. We’ll be keeping an eye on this.

Fight Delay is the Right Move

As you may have heard by now, Kelly Pavlik’s impending title bout against Sergio Mora in Atlantic City has been postponed for… some reason or another. According to ESPN.com’s Dan Rafael, it’s a staph infection; according to Team Pavlik it’s… something.

Whatever the actual reason may be, if Pavlik is ailing–whether the opponent is a preferred matchup like Arthur Abraham (rumored to be the next matchup for the Ghost after Mora) or a scheduled opponent like Mora (or Rubio before him)–it is absolutely the right call to delay the fight.

You Should Love Dave Steckel

Just letting all of you Ohio sports fans that Washington Capitals Center Dave Steckel is someone you should be loving right now. He’s got everything you could ever want in an athlete: he attended The Ohio State University, and he is giving the city of Pittsburgh fits. I think we can all agree any misery brought that that horrific city is something we can all get behind.

Steckel scored the game winner in overtime last night, and also was the only player other than Sydney Crosby and Alex Ovechkin to score in game 2 of the series, where the Caps won by a goal. Thatta way, Steckel! Could we trouble you for an O-H! after your game winner in Game 7?